The cycle starts when they are intentionally hurtful and mean.You may be verbally abused, cursed, and threatened over something minor.He began with criticism, went on to name-calling and moved on to physical violence and (probably) murder. “The Loser,” Carver notes, “has very shallow emotions and connections with others.It’s very important to get away from a Loser at the slightest hint of violence, including verbal aggression, since abuse usually increases in frequency and severity over time. One of the things that might attract you to the Loser is how quickly he or she says ‘I Love You’ or wants to marry or commit to you.Typically, in less than a few weeks of dating you’ll hear that you’re the love of their life, they want to be with you forever, and they want to marry you.
It’s nearly impossible to control strong human beings who have clear boundaries and a healthy self-esteem.They may do so through overt criticism and by following them around when they meet with others, as Drew did to Stacy.Sometimes they opt for more subtle manipulation, such as by covertly turning the victim against her own family and friends (and vice versa).As Carver observes, “The Loser feels your friends and family might influence you or offer negative opinions about their behavior…Eventually, rather than face the verbal punishment, interrogation, and abuse, you’ll develop the feeling that it’s better not to talk to family and friends.The rapid warm-up is always a sign of shallow emotions which later cause the Loser to detach from you as quickly as they committed.” Which is exactly what Drew Peterson (and others like him) did after seducing each of his partners. The physical outbursts towards inanimate objects function as a form of intimidation.As easily as he attached to them initially, he later detached from them to pursue his next conquest(s). Through such behavior, Losers show their targets that they’re capable of doing the same thing to them. Losers generally prefer flings and short-term affairs, which provide constant new thrills.This is why psychopaths eventually move from the initial over-the-top flattery to scathing criticism.Once they have secured their chosen partners in their grasp, they put them down to erode their self-esteem.Suddenly, the next day they become sweet, doing all those little things they did when you started dating.” The period of sweetness leads the partners of Losers to cling to the relationship in the misguided hope of finding what psychologist Susan Forward calls “the magic key” that will make the psychopath stay nice to them. The psychopath invariably cycles back to his real, nasty self.Over time, the meanness cycle escalates in severity and increases in duration.