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This is all your jerk-brain playing Iago to your Othello, telling you that Desdemona to have been schtupping half the guardsman in the barracks. I can guarantee you, you’re not as good about keeping that tension out of your face and voice when you talk to her, that stiffness out of your limbs when you hold her. It doesn’t take very long before fear becomes to wave your insecurity in her face.
Because let’s face it: unless there’s something you’ve left out of your letter – it’s pretty short, maybe you did – your girlfriend isn’t giving you any reason to believe she’s about to or is currently cheating on you. It’s important to deal with these feelings, with that lack of self-esteem.
Dear Doc, My girl is a labourer, which means she generally works with predominantly males – which also means she makes a lot of male friends. And if I’m right – and I bet I am – you haven’t breathed a word of this to your girlfriend. ” No, what’s going to happen is that she’s going to shoot his ass down. There are a lot of techniques for dealing with insecurity – I talked about several of those in the letter from Insecurity Guard last Friday, but I suspect that these are some deep-seated issues and talking to a trained professional is the best way to resolve them.
I try to be modern and play it off like I don’t care, but it’s eating me up inside with all these conflicting feelings – as in, I shouldn’t control who she hangs out with and when, but my head keeps trying to push me to ask to at least be involved – so that I can make sure these dudes aren’t making a move on her. I know it’s irrational, and it’s about how being friends with them and I’m not telling you who you can and can’t be friends with.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t doubt you’ve had bad experiences with opposite-sex friendships, but that’s not the underlying issue here. In your head, they’re big, strapping, ten-inch-swinging-dick-having macho alpha males whereas you… Furthermore, you seem to have bought into the idea that men possible reason why your girlfriend isn’t fucking one or all of them is because you sporadically remind her of your existence. Just because someone makes a pass at your girlfriend doesn’t mean that she’s going to suddenly fling her panties to the wind and cry out “Take me now, you studly stallion, take me in a manly fashion! The other problem is that this fear that she’s inevitably going to cheat on you because she has so many other guys around her? First: you need to talk to somebody – a counselor, a psychologist, – about your self-esteem and insecurity issues.
Every day I get emails from women who want one-on-one dating coaching but don’t want to try online dating.
Rather than dip your toe in the water and give up because you’re intimidated, I highly encourage you to check out Finding the One Online, in which I hold your hand through the entire online dating process, from getting over your fears, to choosing a website, to writing a profile, to flirting with men and so on.